I despise my awards.
Don't get me wrong. I love winning, I've had a lot of great tournaments, and I really enjoy competing. I have 17 shiny plaques hanging on my wall, or sitting on my shelf, and I cannot bear to appreciate them.
Most people would probably say that they represent how well I've done and that I should be happy to have them. And yet to me, they mean nothing. Their only value lies in the memories of partners and fun that I had in the past.
I do not deserve these awards that I have been given. I find no comfort in my achievements.
It is despicable to me, the way that I have won them. There are so many fellow competitors who put forth the time and the effort to win their events. There have been so many hours put forth in practice and in preparation, so much growth, and so much work. And they are not recognized.
I competed in three speech events, and total, I put in less that ten hours of work. I won first place in two of them, and was in finals for the last. And I deserved not a one.
To those people who have worked for hours and years to get their awards, who have put in the work to receive this recognition of excellence, these plaques represent growth and perseverance.
But to me, they are indicative only of my desire, my hunger for glory, my lust for recognition. To me, they are a golden crown, weighing me down as I tread water as I grab more treasure.
For there is a weight to glory that no man can bear, no mortal can endure
One song that has really made me think goes like this:
Turn you eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
I am no wise man, the words of this song often ring upon deaf ears. But if we pursue excellence over accolades, Christ over charisma, righteousness over recognition, then we no longer have to burdened.
